He hated keeping this to himself. If anyone at home finds out what he had done, then how would he ever show his face in public again. On second thought, how would they find out?
He had moved to the big city from his small village ten hours away just so that he could attend school and be on his own. He was by no means the first person from this village to take this path, but he still felt as though he was one of the privileged few. It was his first time on his own and he loved being able to make his own decisions. He chose when to wake up, he chose if and when to do chores, he chose to eat out and to walk the streets in the middle of the night and not feel like one of the "hooligans" his mother constantly warned him about becoming. He chose to be the man he wanted to be, when he wanted to be and had the freedom to do so.....
He had chosen this city and this area in the city on purpose. At the back of his mind, he knew that this was what he wanted, even though it would be considered the ultimate perversion if anyone at home found out.
"Okay, I'm leaving now... am I seeing you tomorrow?"
He couldn't quite remember his name but he had immediately been attracted to him. He had been at Pusateri's looking at their selection of navel oranges when he saw this buff god-like creature in a wife-beater and blue jeans....he had to have him. He had his reservations about this, like all the times before, but it was just to tempting. He could feel the tension in his groin growing as he approached him. After half a cup of coffee and light conversation the mood and scene were set and he took him back to his place immediately - the five minute walk had seemed like an eternity.
He kissed the young man deeply on the mouth and showed him out, "...I would have you all night, but I really have to study..." He knew he would not call him. He had been good and freaky in all the right ways, but this perversion was something he didn't want to encourage in himself too much. If he got fully into this lifestyle, who knows what would go wrong? Freedom was good, but he had to keep his head on straight to succeed in his schooling. He had a fiancée and a son depending on this success and they were faithfully waiting for him at home.
Trina was beautiful and all he could hope for in a girlfriend. They had met in middle school and hit it off immediately. At the time she had not blossomed yet, but as the years went by, she became the a true beauty with a large fan base to boot. He never quite understood why she stayed with him all this time when she had so many choices....he was nothing special, a bit overweight and painfully average. He wasn't a jock with rippling muscles, nor was he a nerd with a spectacular psyche....he was just.....tediously normal and didn't have any particular dreams then....or now.
She had allowed him to have her when they were just fifteen and although he got the job done then and every time after that, he always enjoyed it more with her older brother when he came home from the police barracks on his weekends off. It was Trevor who had encouraged him to follow this path - he wasn't quite sure that this career was his forté. In fact he sometimes wondered who he was truly working hard for, Trina or Trevor?
He hadn't been with Trevor since the baby was born. His craved his body, the urgent grabbing, the frantic and exciting love making, the influx of testosterone and the innocent face he put on when they were around family. He felt himself get aroused again. Was twice in one night considered "full time"? He was supposed to be studying, but the tension in his loins was back and couldn't be ignored - he could take care of it himself, but he could still smell the young man on himself and decided that it couldn't hurt to have someone else. Yes, if he found someone else to make love to tonight, he'd definitely be in the right frame of mind to study. Babylon, the nearby martini bar, was always a prime pick up spot.
He sighed and got out of his bed. He wouldn't bother to make the bed because he wanted something more risqué, something public maybe - maybe even in the bar. There was a floor there that was "anything goes".....and anything did go. He had taken advantage of this just last weekend.
He considered his outfit - khakis, a light blue polo shirt to bring out his eyes and a jacket to protect himself from the chilling wind. His urges got the better of him and he noticed that he was already hard. Whoever he met tonight was in for a good time. He grabbed his keys remembering the first time with Trevor in the McDonald's bathroom, smiled and stepped into the darkening evening ahead of him.....
Saturday, 7 May 2011
She sat heavily down with the weight of the world on her shoulders. Her head down she closed her eyes willing the migraine to disappear. She could hear them laughing upstairs - how could they laugh at a time like this? She felt the emotions bubbling up again and struggled to prevent herself from exploding. One deep inhale through the nose, one slow long exhale out the mouth. She was not sure this was working to calm her down anymore. He had taught her this. The tears escaped and she let out a muffled cry.
More laughing, and someone stamped their foot, showering her with dust from the thin ceiling above. Why were they here anyway? They didn't even know him - they had met him once and now they've invaded this place - this was specifically supposed to be 'family only'.
A pathetic whimper from the floor by her bed disturbed her musings. Duchess had been her faithful friend for 17 years - and now she feared she was about to leave her too. For the last 6 months Duchess had not able to walk and could barely lift her head to eat or wag her tail. She may not be hungry in the least, but Duchess was, and that was worth the effort to face the hooligans in her living room.
She got up and wiped her tears and looked at her miserable face in the mirror. You can do this - just smile. She forced the muscles in her face to stretch her lips into some semblance of a smile - but it was more of a grimace, as if she were in severe pain. Forget it - why should she fake it for those idiots upstairs anyway.
She trudged slowly up the stairs noticing that the noise was decreasing. Maybe they've left? She peeped into the joint living/dining area and noticed that the reason it was so quiet was that everyone was eating. She pulled her head back around the corner quickly, hoping that she had gone unnoticed.
Her stepmother came up behind her from the kitchen "Eat something."
"I'm not hungry - I'm just taking care of Duchess". She retreated into the kitchen and tried to calm herself again. Inhale. Exhale. She noticed she was gripping tightly onto the edge of the kitchen sink. She relaxed her grip and massaged the cramp out of her hands. She remembered when she had helped him put this sink in. Helped may be an overstatement - she just held his tools while he struggled with it - he had had a full head of hair then, way before the cancer had racked his body making him a ghost of his former self.
"yuh not eating?" Her Uncle 's question startled her.
"No, I'm not hungry - I'm just getting something for Duchess"
"Yuh want a drink?" he asked, pulling out a bottle of Chivas Regal, "De boys an' I having scotch..." He looked like he had already had a few. His Trinidadian accent had become stronger and he was slurring his words.
"No, no, you go ahead..."
"De gyuls havin' red wine, yuh want some of dat?"
"No, I really have to go check on Duchess"
She fled out of the kitchen, back down the stairs and slammed the door as she entered her basement bedroom. Duchess looked up alarmed. They hadn't even noticed the noise. She looked at the mirror and overcome by annoyance she noticed her eyes were red and swollen. Damn - she wasn't supposed to show her grief. She wondered if they had noticed. Was it grief though? Or was it anger that was overcoming her.
She remembered when she was a young girl. She had definitely changed - her nubile young body had aged and expanded over the last 40 years. Her hair that used to be waist long and silky was now kinky and sticking up in unpredictable ways. She seemed stuck in the 80s. Her wardrobe left a lot to be desired.
No wonder I don't have a man she thought - it's all his fault - he didn't provide for me when I was younger - instead he chose her....and forced me to live here. She glanced around the finished basement apartment begrudgingly. She then imagined the life she would have led if she had been allowed to stay with her real Mom - she'd be a lot more glamourous, and would be married to a gorgeous Trini man with at least two kids by now, perhaps own her own house and be the talk of the town. In reality, she babysat her baby cousins' kids, the recent new additions to the family. She was so old now and still had not gotten what she needed from life....
She remembered when her father left her from her mother and brought her as a young girl to this country. All so that he could be with that witch without drama from the community and her Mom's family. At least, that's how she saw it. And now I'm stuck looking after the old hag......and having to put up with her family. He had left her mother and taken her from her sweet Trini life just so that he could be with his new his girlfriend - the intruder in her nirvana - she felt an animosity for him she hadn't felt in a long time.....
"Everyone goin' Angel, come say 'bye!!"
They're leaving. Good. All the flights are in the morning and tomorrow afternoon. She just has to endure a big family breakfast in the morning and she'll be alone....alone with HER. She loathed the fact that she would now have to look after this woman. Sure she was technically a mother figure to her, but she was so NAIVE - she ran her life by emotion - welcomed anyone she met into her home...not something that Angel approved of. This will change she promised herself. I'm in charge now. He was my father, this was his home. I inherit it, not this woman he chose never to marry.
She trudged up the stairs and down the corridor towards the front door, put on her grimacing smile and held the door open for her guests imagining how much better life will be when she held all the cards.. She made up her mind - she was finally going to take what was hers. He wasn't here to protest or to force her to care for that woman. That bitch would not know what hit her or what direction it came from......