Saturday 7 May 2011

Fallen Angel

She sat heavily down with the weight of the world on her shoulders.  Her head down she closed her eyes willing the migraine to disappear.  She could hear them laughing upstairs - how could they laugh at a time like this?  She felt the emotions bubbling up again and struggled to prevent herself from exploding.  One deep inhale through the nose, one slow long exhale out the mouth.  She was not sure this was working to calm her down anymore.  He had taught her this.  The tears escaped and she let out a muffled cry.

More laughing, and someone stamped their foot, showering her with dust from the thin ceiling above.  Why were they here anyway?  They didn't even know him - they had met him once and now they've invaded this place - this was specifically supposed to be 'family only'.

A pathetic whimper from the floor by her bed disturbed her musings.  Duchess had been her faithful friend for 17 years - and now she feared she was about to leave her too.  For the last 6 months Duchess had not able to walk and could barely lift her head to eat or wag her tail.   She may not be hungry in the least, but Duchess was, and that was worth the effort to face the hooligans in her living room.

She got up and wiped her tears and looked at her miserable face in the mirror.  You can do this - just smile.  She forced the muscles in her face to stretch her lips into some semblance of a smile - but it was more of a grimace, as if she were in severe pain.  Forget it - why should she fake it for those idiots upstairs anyway.

She trudged slowly up the stairs noticing that the noise was decreasing.  Maybe they've left?  She peeped into the joint living/dining area and noticed that the reason it was so quiet was that everyone was eating.  She pulled her head back around the corner quickly, hoping that she had gone unnoticed.

Her stepmother came up behind her from the kitchen "Eat something."

"I'm not hungry - I'm just taking care of Duchess".  She retreated into the kitchen and tried to calm herself again.  Inhale.  Exhale.  She noticed she was gripping tightly onto the edge of the kitchen sink.  She relaxed her grip and massaged the cramp out of her hands.  She remembered when she had helped him put this sink in.  Helped may be an overstatement - she just held his tools while he struggled with it - he had had a full head of hair then, way before the cancer had racked his body making him a ghost of his former self.

"yuh not eating?" Her Uncle 's question startled her.

"No, I'm not hungry - I'm just getting something for Duchess"
"Yuh want a drink?" he asked, pulling out a bottle of Chivas Regal, "De boys an' I having scotch..."  He looked like he had already had a few.  His Trinidadian accent had become stronger and he was slurring his words.
"No, no, you go ahead..."
"De gyuls havin' red wine, yuh want some of dat?"
"No, I really have to go check on Duchess"

She fled out of the kitchen, back down the stairs and slammed the door as she entered her basement bedroom.  Duchess looked up alarmed.  They hadn't even noticed the noise.  She looked at the mirror and overcome by annoyance she noticed her eyes were red and swollen.  Damn - she wasn't supposed to show her grief.  She wondered if they had noticed.  Was it grief though?  Or was it anger that was overcoming her.

She remembered when she was a young girl.  She had definitely changed - her nubile young body had aged and expanded over the last 40 years.  Her hair that used to be waist long and silky was now kinky and sticking up in unpredictable ways.  She seemed stuck in the 80s.  Her wardrobe left a lot to be desired.

No wonder I don't have a man she thought - it's all his fault - he didn't provide for me when I was younger - instead he chose her....and forced me to live here.  She glanced around the finished basement apartment begrudgingly.  She then imagined the life she would have led if she had been allowed to stay with her real Mom - she'd be a lot more glamourous, and would be married to a gorgeous Trini man with at least two kids by now, perhaps own her own house and be the talk of the town.  In reality, she babysat her baby cousins' kids, the recent new additions to the family.  She was so old now and still had not gotten what she needed from life....

She remembered when her father left her from her mother and brought her as a young girl to this country.  All so that he could be with that witch without drama from the community and her Mom's family.  At least, that's how she saw it. And now I'm stuck looking after the old hag......and having to put up with her family.  He had left her mother and taken her from her sweet Trini life just so that he could be with his new his girlfriend - the intruder in her nirvana - she felt an animosity for him she hadn't felt in a long time.....

"Everyone goin' Angel, come say 'bye!!"

They're leaving.  Good.  All the flights are in the morning and tomorrow afternoon.  She just has to endure a big family breakfast in the morning and she'll be alone....alone with HER.  She loathed the fact that she would now have to look after this woman.  Sure she was technically a mother figure to her, but she was so NAIVE - she ran her life by emotion - welcomed anyone she met into her home...not something that Angel approved of.  This will change she promised herself.  I'm in charge now.  He was my father, this was his home.  I inherit it, not this woman he chose never to marry.

She trudged up the stairs and down the corridor towards the front door, put on her grimacing smile and held the door open for her guests imagining how much better life will be when she held all the cards..  She made up her mind - she was finally going to take what was hers.  He wasn't here to protest or to force her to care for that woman.  That bitch would not know what hit her or what direction it came from......

1 comment:

  1. It's a great story. It makes you feel like you are there in it.

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